Freelancer’s Log [January 2022]

Coaching Training

Being part of coaching training made me more aware of myself, how I feel, how I think. It encouraged me to stop and reflect on my life, its intentional parts but also those more common pilot automatique parts that take up more time.

• Still so much to learn, to explore, to practice

  • Realizing I would much rather be perfect in what I set out to do than have to practice

    • ego?

    • insecurity?

How did I feel?

There were many questions in my head, many aspects to consider and sometimes I felt overwhelmed. I felt under pressure, even if there were no explicit external enforcers of deadlines or evaluation of my performance.

• What if I fail?

• How long I can keep up being freelance?

• Am I just imagining/dreaming how being an artist is but in fact it's completely different and I would never be happy because I always find a reason to complain?

Explore, but don't let my fears stop me before I even try to do something.

Freelancer

I realized that being a freelancer is something that is still sinking in. Although I quit my regular full-time job a few months ago, it still hasn't fully got to me. What is my vision for embracing this new form of being?

• Artist

• Coach

• Consultant

• Teacher/Trainer

• Admin

  What is more tiring for me than having multiple roles is how frequently I am switching between them at the moment.

How I spent my time

One of the things I was finding challenging was how and on what I spent my time. I discovered that the fluid organic model works best for me in theory.

• This means that I divide my time among several roles some of them are primary (artist, consultant, coach, teacher), others serve as support functions (admin, securing income, etc.).

  • It is ok for me not to divide the time equally at the time but in a long run, I want to see that on average I spend most of the time in roles that are most important to me.

    • This requires:

      • Knowing how much time I spend on what - mostly to replace the perception of time with facts of time

      • Plan where I am going. Which would help me to understand why am I prioritizing one role over the other at the moment. And at the same time would reassure me that the ultimate goal is still part of the plan and does not get lost under a pile of tasks or roles which are not as relevant to me.

      • Awareness of my freedom to chose.

      Some of this sounds trivial to me. But at the same time, I need to spell it out, as I found out that there is a difference between thinking a thought, hearing a thought, saying thought out loud, even hearing/saying it at different times or from different people.

What I thought

Looking back at my last month - I honestly have moments thinking:

• “I didn’t quit my full-time job to do the same thing for much less money!”

• “I am frustrated I spend so little time on what I wanted to do in the first place!”

• “Why does it have to be one or the other? "

Next, I am going to try

• Plan my time so I will change in between roles less often

• Make space for a time when I don't have to be organized and not have planned what exactly to do

  • I want to bring more of the freelance/artist flavor to my life

• Set goals for each of the roles for 2022

  • Or at least for the most important roles

• Keep reflecting and exploring how it feels

  • I don't have to follow a precise model. I can create my tailored version which makes me happy

  • There is no one to tell me off for changing my mind several times

• More doing/trying/experimenting

Let’s see how it goes!